Things to come

So, I've received several questions on the blog and via email that will have to be addressed in fairly lengthy posts. I'm working on it, but I'm also abroad right now for work and have to do some tourist stuff. Posting here is fun; museums are more fun. Expect two posts soon:

1. Why I still attend a Church of Christ.
2. A (very, very, very, crude) linguistic analysis of arsenokoites and malakos.

I'm curious to see what I'll say for question #1, and I really don't want to write #2. Stay tuned, please, and in the meantime, read one of the books I suggested below. Several of them are short and can be consumed in a day or two.

Elsewhere in the blogosphere

An interesting conversation about gays in the church is happening over at Greg Kendall-Ball's blog.

Check it out here.

Well, I think it's interesting. See for yourself.

Quote o' the Day

From Uncle Paul (Tillich, that is...)

"The first duty of love is to listen."

Book Learnin'

I want to offer a few book recommendations in case anyone wants to explore. Now, as I've previously mentioned (see first post), I'm no scholar, so take these recommendations with that in mind. Also, feel free to post any comments you may have about the books I mention or any other recommendations you may have (either pro- or anti-gay). This is a short, incomplete list. More will follow:

Homosexuality and the Bible: Two Views by Robert A. J. Gagnon, Dan O. Via

Homosexuality and Christian Faith: Questions of Conscience for the Churches by Walter Wink (Editor)

What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak

New Testament and Homosexuality by Robin Scroggs

The Church and the Homosexual by John J. McNeill

Take Back the Word: A Queer Reading of the Bible by Robert E. Goss (Editor), Mona West (Editor)

I don't endorse everything in these books, and some are intellectually lacking, but for those of you who have never given gay-inclusion much thought, these should kick off a conversation in your head.

Prayer o' the Day

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

[NB: I plan to continue posting prayers on occasion. Churches of Christ do not typically recite prayers together and do not typically acknowledge prayers used in other traditions. I think this is a mistake. There is much to learn from those gone by and much eloquence to be found in books of prayer. Unfortunately, many of my counterparts in the CoC will be more familiar with this prayer because parts of it were made into a campfire song. Shame on us for neglecting 2000 years of tradition and history.]

Outing, Women, and Song-Leading (oh my!)

A few weeks ago, I was outed. This was very inconvenient* (I'm working on the art of understatement...see note below). The story: a guy from church discovered that I am gay and decided it was in the best interest of everyone if he came and talked to me about it face-to-face. We talked things over, shook hands, and went our separate ways.

Actually, that's not what happened. The sleuth decided instead to go directly to an Elder and to skip any discussion with me. The Elder then decided it would be in the best interest of everyone if he came and talked to me about it face-to-face. We talked things over, shook hands, and went our separate ways.

Actually, that's not what happened either. The Elder decided instead to go directly to the Preacher and to skip any discussion with me. Thankfully, the preacher decided it would be in the best interest of everyone if he came and talked to me about it face-to-face (no, really, he did).

So, a guy, the preacher, and the Eldership know that I'm gay. What now? My discussion with my preacher started off exactly as I would have imagined. He told me what he thinks, I told him what I think, etc., etc. Basically, the point was that, while I can continue to attend services, I can no longer lead singing or serve communion (or serve in any other public way). In addition, I move from being a 'member of the church' to being an 'attendee of the church.' Basically, I have to decide if I can handle having a secondary role/status in the Church. If not (so the subtext of the conversation went), move on to the UCC or Episcopal Church down the street. All this was expected but, while painful, something I can probably deal with. Actually, the conversations behind my back hurt more than being told I'm not fit to serve as a songleader.

But then the guy threw me a curveball (more background necessary):

I am (to put it mildly) "loud" in class...basically, I'm the guy you hope you ever have to deal with as a Bible class teacher. I come to class prepared, say what I think and am not afraid of good and honest debate. Thankfully, the Church I attend is the sort of place I can say crazy things without being thrown out on my ear. One of the things that I and others in my congregation feel very strongly about is gender equality in Churches of Christ (insert shameless propaganda: visit www.gal328.org as soon as you finish reading this post). Finally, the 'issue' of the 'role' of women in the Church (ugh, how I hate CoC terminology) may be coming to the forefront of the congregation's collective consciousness (that is, we may soon have a class where we discuss the topic).

Great, right? Wrong. The preacher brought to my attention a very interesting point. My presence in said class may actually do harm to a cause about which I care very deeply. One of the questions that invariably comes up when Churches discuss gender is: where does it all end? If there really is 'neither...male nor female,' can a woman marry a woman? If we shake up our traditional hermeneutics and read texts on women differently, do we have to read Romans 1 differently? Churches often throw the proverbial baby out with the proverbial bathwater due to fear of the proverbial slippery slope (ah, I love proverbs). Reworking your hermeneutical framework can be scary, especially if there is no end in sight.

Certain questions WILL arise in the conversation, and the Elders will be there when the questions come up. The 'gay issue' and the 'gender issue' WILL become linked in the minds of many people (for good reason, I must say). What will the Elders, whom I want to convince that men and women have equal place in the church, think if I (the crazy gay liberal who just won't shut up) am one of the loudest voices for change? They will, at best, write me off as a ridiculous person to be ignored and, at worst, they may (and likely will, according to the preacher) be afraid to talk too much about gender out of fear of where it may lead us.

I may have to leave because my very presence may become a distraction in a vital conversation. A lack of focus on social justice (of which gender justice is a small part) is the gaping hole in CoC theology. Our generation must redefine our denomination's core values so that Churches of Christ can turn our theological focus to matters more important than whether our Church has an organ. It is a matter of love and a matter of integrity, and it is the right thing to do. I could not forgive myself if I did damage to this cause by becoming a distraction in the conversation (on the other hand, maybe I've already done all the damage I can do...I mean, the secret's out, right?).

So, to sum up, the dilemmas facing me now are (1) whether to continue to to be involved with this particular conversation, accepting a diminished role (read: secondary status); and (2) if I stay, whether leave the congregation when it begins to discuss gender equality in order to avoid doing damage to the cause.

Fun times.

*Postscript: I sort of glossed over the way I felt upon being outed. This has happened before (actually, I was outed to my entire family). To sum up, it is an incredible violation. The part of you that you've hidden for so long (to avoid expulsion from your family, church, and Christian university) is ripped away from you and exposed for all to see. It hurts. A lot. Kinda like a surgeon has cut you open, jumbled you up on the inside, and left you to figure out how to sort things out and close the wound.

Prayer o' the Day

Prayer of St. Ignatius

Lord, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve you as you deserve; to give without counting the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to ask for reward, except to know that I am doing your will.

Amen

thank you

GR,

Thank you for your comment on my blog (Theoblogia). I quickly scanned
a couple of your posts and just wanted to let you know that you have
a LGBT supporter within the Churches of Christ in me. I am familiar
with the struggle (not personally, but through some very close
friends), and I am taking a class this fall called Pastoral Care of
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered People. I will be in this
guided study course with two other people, both of whom are gay
males, one of whom used to go to a Church of Christ and a Church of
Christ-sponsored university. I'm still trying to work through it all
theologically, but I definitely want to be part of the conversation.
Thanks for visiting my blog. Hope to continue this discourse with
you. shalom!

Krister

Ex-Gay Watch

For anyone out there who thinks "ex-gay" ministries (Like Exodus international) really work, I encourage you to check out a few sites. First Ex-Gay Watch. Next exgay.com. There is also a series on Salon.com here, here, and here. There is one more part to come in the Salon series. Check them out.

Question: What Makes a Christian?

Can one be a gay Christian? A lot of people would say yes. Even more people would, I think, say no (especially in Churches of Christ). How do we determine if I am a Christian or not? Can we? What makes someone a Christian, and who gets to draw the line? This is a question the Church must face, because it cuts to the core of community. How does the community construct itself, and where does it draw its borders?

After much study and many long years of prayer, I have answered the question for myself. I know that God still loves me (as God loves all), but I also know he affirms me. There are many Christians who agree with me (see, e.g., the MCC, the UCC, the Episcopal Church). Are gay Christians really Christians?

Traditionally, the answer in Churches of Christ has been that Episcopalians are not really Christians anyway (so who cares what they say). They are not members of the "New Testament Church," so their souls are in jeopardy (at least, that's what I learned in Sunday School -- though it's important to remember how far that takes us from our Restorationist roots). Many members of Churches of Christ now reject the old way. We don't hold the line that we are the only Christians. So now where do you draw the line? Who is a Christian?

You can occasionally commit adultery and be a Christian. You can occasionally lie and be a Christian. You can occasionally sleep with other men and be a Christian, as long as you feel guilty about it. You can even (apparently) be an Episcoplian and be a Christian. But you cannot be gay and a Christian. Why?

The usual answer given to me is lack of repentance. The guy who occasionally slaps his wife around (but repents) is still in because he is not intentionally living a lifestyle contrary to God's Word (as it is currently interpreted). The homosexual, though, knows he is doing wrong but chooses to live a "lifestyle" of sin (so the argument goes).

But wait a minute. What if the homosexual doesn't believe he's doing wrong? What if he's studied his entire life, searched his heart, prayed constantly, and come to the conclusion that it is tradition, and not his lifestyle, that is wrong?

Assume arguendo that it is wrong to be gay (a point I in no way concede). Assume also, arguendo, that Episcopalian doctrine and praxis is wrong and Church of Christ doctrine and praxis is the right way to be a Christian (that is, you have to hear, believe, repent, confess, and be baptized). Why do we accept the Episcopalian Christian but reject the gay Christian? Both claim to be Christians. Both believe they are doing what is right in God's eyes. Both (according to the assumptions just laid out and according to CoC doctrine) are wrong. Why call one a Christian and not the other? Why take communion with one but tell the other he is going to hell?

Is it possible that all we are talking about is a disagreement over doctrine? We disagree with the Episcopalian over the proper interpretation of Acts 2:38 and we disagree with the gay Christian over the interpretation of Romans 1, but that's all it is...a disagreement among friends/brothers? Why then can churches of Christ accept as a brother the Episcopalian Christian (who, by the way, accepts gays) but not accept as a brother the gay who accepts Christ?

Getting the Word Out

To any bloggers who happen across my humble new blog:

How did you get the word out that you had a blog? Seems difficult (especially if posting anonymously).

Suggestions are appreciated from my wiser counterparts.

Gay Teens Hanged

Words can't even begin to express my disgust at this story.

This story gave me a bit of perspective. I often walk around feeling like a victim because I am often told there is no such thing as a "gay Christian." It's important to remember that there are those who have it much, much worse. My life is pretty easy compared to the woman forced to cover herself from head to toe, or compared to the young kid who can't come out of the closet because he will be killed.

And remember, this wasn't a lynch mob. This was a legal, court-ordered execution for a crime against the state.

First Post

Readers (assuming that there are any):

The purpose of this blog is simple: (1) to let people know that there are LGBT members of Churches of Christ; (2) to let LGBT Church-of-Christers know that they are not alone in attempting (and hopefully succeeding) to be both queer and Christian; (3) to lay out arguments publicly, hoping for a dialectic that will help me improve my ability to communicate my central thesis, namely that homosexuality is not a barrier preventing access God and that it is possible to be a faithful gay Christian.

For now, this blog will be anonymous. Some of you may figure out who the man behind the curtain is (the Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Diana Prince, Linda Danvers...you get the point), but I ask you to respect my privacy. I have been outed before; it is a very unpleasant experience (to put it mildly) and a deep, lasting, and painful violation (to put it honestly). Unfortunately, most Churches of Christ are at this point unwilling to accept openly gay people as full members of the body of Christ. Posting here puts me at risk of being disfellowshipped from the particular congregation I attend. It also puts me, and others who may post or comment here, at risk of being blacklisted in Churches of Christ writ large. I have friends who are ministers, graduate students, etc., who plan to work in Churches of Christ or in our universities. I hope they read what I write and post here, but future employment could become impossible for them, were they to become known as LIBERAL {read: "gay-accepting" (gasp!), or worse, "gay-affirming" (the horror!)}. I often consider the possibility of teaching at a CoC university or of working in a Church of Christ. Were my secret identity to be revealed, this future would immediately go up in a cloud of pastel-colored smoke. Please, please, please – respect our privacy.

I am not sure how this will all play out, but a few notes at the outset. I plan to swing back and forth between addressing Christians (generally) and Church-of-Christers (more specifically). I do want every gay or lesbian person to know that she or he is welcomed and loved by God, but I see a specific need for a rallying point for gay people who attend Churches of Christ. To my knowledge, there is currently no support structure in existence for us (if there is and I am ignorant of it, please do let me know). Part of this is due to the congregational autonomy that is part of our Restoration heritage. There being no synod, convention, or other governing body, individual Christians in Churches of Christ are often left to struggle on their own for change in a local congregation. This can be terribly lonely.

A final note: I am no scholar. I'm not stupid, but I'm not particularly well-read, nor have I received a higher education in religion, theology, or divinity. As such, I hereby issue a blanket caveat emptor (caveat lector may be more apropos): beware what you read on these pages. Think for yourself and feel free to criticize, analyze, suggest, etc, etc. I am a tough lad and enjoy pure academic and religious honesty, so feel free to tell me what you really think. I think better when on the defensive and am not afraid of a good argument. This blog and I are works in progress. I am young, foolish, and (in many ways) arrogant; I do not pretend that I will always argue well, that my thoughts will always be in order, or that I won't change my mind about some things. Posting may be sparse (I'm a busy fellow), and I may at times simply quote people who are smarter and more mature than I. Bear with me, please.

Let the fun begin.