A Project
Some questions for any readers out there:
1) If you were going to interview a gay Christian or, more specifically, a gay Christian in a Church of Christ, what questions would you ask her or him?
2) If you were going to interview the Christian parent of a gay child, what would you ask her or him?
3) If you were going to interview an 'ex-gay', what questions would you ask her or him?
I would love some input here...
1) If you were going to interview a gay Christian or, more specifically, a gay Christian in a Church of Christ, what questions would you ask her or him?
2) If you were going to interview the Christian parent of a gay child, what would you ask her or him?
3) If you were going to interview an 'ex-gay', what questions would you ask her or him?
I would love some input here...
posted by Gay Restorationist at 1/18/2006 09:28:00 AM
22 Comments:
#3) I would love to hear/see/read an interaction between a gay Christian and an ex-gay Christian. I would be interested to hear the "arguments" for each position, and how they cam to arrive at their conclusions...
I think it would be a fascinating conversation...if you could get the right people....
1) I would like to ask GLBT Christians what their goal is by staying in a Church of Christ. Do they wish to fight for their own cause from below, do they feel cheapened or objectified if Christians desire to stand up for GLBT folks within the church? How do you engage in solidarity while at the same time not becoming paternalistic?
2) I would ask them about the various stages of grief they went through (and are going through) as they learn to let go of the child they thought they had. I would ask them how they approached the process (i.e., did they condemn, then apologize, try to read more about the subject, consult ministers and doctors, cut off communication and support, or accept their child's orientation)?
3) I have to be honest when I say that my first question to an 'ex-gay' would be: Just between you and me, do you really feel intrinsically attracted to the opposite sex, or are you simply operating as a heterosexual? Are you concerned that you may ruin your marriage at some point later in life should your old desires return?
1) The same question I've been asked on occasion: why are you still here? (Not because I think there aren't reasons, but because the reasons would be instructive and edifying for anyone considering why they choose to be in one church or tradition rather than another.)
And (this is dumb but honest), what is it like to be gay? Is it anything at all like what I imagine it's like?
2) Did you ever "know" without admitting it to yourself that your child was gay? If so, when and how old was your child? Did this scare you? Do you think it altered your choices as a parent (i.e., did you try to steer your child toward "gender appropriate" things more consciously)?
3) Do you feel ontologically different as an ex-gay person? Are there other things about you that you can identify as different now? Do you always feel positive about such a radical shift in your life? Why did you decide it was necessary to be ex-gay? What exactly is the process of becoming ex-gay? Did you experience this as primarily a physical change in yourself, or a mental/spiritual change?
I don't know which question this would go under, but I'd ask how lonely/alienated this person feels or if they are lonely at all. Especially in a church environment, much less a CoC environment.
A lot of what I'd ask would depend on whether I was interviewing these folks for a publication or just to satisfy my own curiosity; whether I was speaking to them for the first time or I knew them intimately.
But I'd want to ask them:
How did you come to be where you are in your walk with God?
Are you comfortable in that walk? Do you feel it's drawing you closer to Him? Or farther away from Him?
What would it take for you to point that walk closer to Him?
(Which are all pretty much the questions I'd like to ask anyone, anytime, anywhere ...)
Questions for the gay Christian:
1) Are you an active practicing homosexual or are you a person with a homosexual orientation resolved to be celibate?
2) How do you resolve in your own mind the scriptures which speak against homosexuality?
3) Do you feel you need to try to change your orientation (if that's even possible) or devote yourself to living a celibate life as a homosexual?
4) What do you think Jesus would say to you?
Questions for the parents:
1) Were you aware that your child was homosexual and if so, when did you become aware of this?
2) Did your child feel safe enough to tell you him/herself?
3) Do you personally feel guilty like it was something you could have prevented? If so, what do you think you did to cause it?
4) How are you helping your child cope with this?
Questions for an ex-gay:
1) Why did you decide to work on changing your orientation?
2) How did you do it?
3) Are you happier now than before?
Thanks for all the responses.
JTB,
The question "what is it like to be gay?" seems (at first glance) somewhat naive, but it is actually an interesting and difficult question, isn't it? How does one convey the experience of gay-ness (or woman-ness, black-ness, etc) to another person? An answer would require an intimate look into the workings of a person's heart and mind, a knowledge of their past experiences, an appreciation of what they anticipate for their future, and so much more.
Greg,
What would you hope to gain from the conversation between the gay and the ex-gay? Would you expect there to be a 'victor' in the 'debate', or do you imagine it to be more of a comparison of experiences?
Krister,
I do have to admit that I would like to ask an ex-gay the same question, I think because I can't conceive of change actually being possible.
My submission.
yeah, i guess the rest of the cyber world has moved on...but, i'm still here asking questions.
what's the first, or second, or third thing that goes through your mind when you hear persons in the church confessing that they watch and enjoy will and grace?
have you heard any who watch the t.v. show but loudly exclaim that they would never see brokback...you've got to draw the line somewhere?
and i guess these questions could be summed up in...
how do you handle modern christianity's hypocrisies regarding sexuality?
to the parents...
do you feel like failures? why?
if not, when did you realize that you hadn't failed? and how do you handle the people in the church that believe you have failed?
Great questions, Jeremy. Will and Grace continues to be a sticking point for me. I think, for example, of an aunt and a cousin who watch the show religiously but then refused to talk to me for almost a year when they found out I'm gay. There's a disconnect somewhere in there, I think.
They watch the show religiously...does anyone besides me find that funny?
I would like to leave a comment regarding the 3 questions.
1) If you were going to interview a gay Christian or, more specifically, a gay Christian in a Church of Christ, what questions would you ask her or him?
I would ask them the same questions I would ask a person who puts adultery or fornication or any sexual sin ahead of God's condemnation of it. I would also ask why their gayness is the number 1 most important thing in their life.
2) If you were going to interview the Christian parent of a gay child, what would you ask her or him?
I don't know. Maybe I would ask them how they feel. They must be torn by their love for their child and their love for God. The gay child they love puts them between a rock and a hard place. The scriptures instruct us to choose God first even if you have to turn away from loved ones. I might ask them if they know who recruited their child in to the life.
3) If you were going to interview an 'ex-gay', what questions would you ask her or him?
I would ask if they knew just how much they were loved despite people being against their sexual life. I would ask if they knew how much the straight people in their lived hurt, too. I would ask why their gayness had been more important than any other aspect of their lives, why it came first. I would ask how they were able to ignore what the scriptures said regarding sexual sins.
I greatly admire homosexuals who are celibate despite their yearnings. I realized my post will not be popular, but my feelings are as important as those who disagree with me and you did ask.
Anonymous,
I don't dispute that your opinions are as importatnt as anyone else's. Quite the contrary: perhaps your questions are the ones that most need to be asked.
I'm curious, though, what leads you believe you need to ask "why their gayness is the number 1 most important thing in their life"? Is this based on personal observation? Something you've read?
Also, what makes you believe that people are "recruited into the life?" Has someone tried to recruit you?
I am asking because I genuinely want to know why you feel as though these are the important questions.
Hello GR. I felt the need to ask a gay person why their gayness was of ultimate importance because they seem to cling to that very strongly. It seems to be more important than anything or anyone else that cares about them. They seem resistant to change, defiant maybe? My question was simply a question that I personally would ask a person who contends that they are homosexual. I don't presume it would be easy to change, but I think that's my eventual motive. A gay person's struggle is not unlike that of any person who yearns for sex with someone who is not their spouse. Yet I don't see an adulterer/ess or fornicators marching in parades or demanding their right to have sex outside their marriage just because they have a tendency to desire it. I see very little difference in any of the sexual sins, they are just that. As far as 'recruitment' goes, are you saying this does not happen? I know a church of Christ member who is homosexual male and have a relative who is a female homosexual. I love these two individuals as much or more than many other c of C members or relatives. I don't understand them, but I love them and do not condemn them. I wish there was a way I could convince them to turn from this sin in the way I've tried to convince other friends to quit cheating on their spouses. I think this is where my questions originate, with my own friends, and with my desire to see them put something else first other than their sexual orientation. Thank you for listening. Peace.
G.R., I note too few of the questions you've had are self-referential. I don't know why. Do we forget what it was like to be 13, 14? There's an episode of South Park when Bebe got breasts; all the boys' minds went crazy, and everybody wanted to be Bebe's friend. I remember that. In light of this strange forgetfulness we seem to have, I want to add to my inane questions a few serious ones:
To the gay Christian:
Will you tell us your stories of loves lost and found?
To the gay Christian's parents:
Will you tell us your stories of loves lost and found? Do you doubt your son/daughter's story? Why or why not?
To the ex-gay Christian:
Will you tell us your stories of loves lost and found?
Follow-up questions, not stated here, are assumed.
To the gay Christian:
First of all, I do not know what it means to be a Gay Christian. A Christ's follower who is gay? - what does that mean?
How do you reconcile the Bible passages that openly speak against homosexuality? (and truly this is puzzling to me, so if you have any suggestions let me know)
To the parents:
How do you show your kids you love them even if you disagree with their choices?
To the ex-gay:
What sparked the change and gave you the will to beat the struggle? - and that is because I believe that like all sexual sins (cheating, pornography, etc) this is a struggle and it requires a choice to be made.
Again, I genuinely would ask these questions, not to be argumentative or dissaggreable, but because I do not understand this whole concept and why it seems to be set appart from any other sin mentioned in the scriptures. My husband struggled with pornography at some point, and I was angry and hurt and upset, but I loved him and we prayed and cried and in the process became stronger and closer to God. He made a choice to change and I made a choice to continue to love unconditionally. It is hard, but worth it.
God bless.
Hermitjeremy. I have more questions, too. Maybe I will find the courage to ask them. Anyway, you asked about people in the church confessing that they watch and enjoy will and grace yet they turn their backs on gays in real life. I agree this is a blatant hypocracy. You can't ride the fence on this issue. Watching W and G or that show where the gay person cleans up the straight one, the channel is changed right now. I don't find them funny or entertaining, they make my soul sad, shocked and sorry. I know my feelings will not be accepted here, but I want to let you know there is a Christian who is not entertained by homosexuality one minute then dash it into the dirt the next. Peace.
The issue of the gay person's gayness being more important than anything in their life is a good one. It does look like the gay person's gayness comes before God's commands, before family, before anything. It is one thing the gay person will not give up for anyone or anything, is it not? I don't understand the unwillingness to put God first, family next, then the gayness down the list a ways. It does look like the gayness is number one in importance, people are willing to leave families they love and distort or ignore God's Word before they turn from their gayness. This was a valid question. If I was born with a tendency to steal, then read in the Bible that it was a sin unto death unless I repented, what would happen if I continued to steal after that? Every one of us has a "cross to bear", a sin to overcome. If we all rationalized our rights to continue, if we rejected that it is even sin, which one of us will live the way God wants us to? I say no one. I may always have the tendency to desire to steal, but stop stealing I must in order to be right in God's eyes. The desire may never leave me, but I must stop the act or die. All Christians know this, we all have the same information. I pray for my gay friends eyes and ears be opened. I don't see how their struggle is any different than any other sinner.
GR, I wonder what this issue has to do with the Church of Christ? All Christian religions have the same scriptures and the same God tells them what's right and wrong, what will save them and what will destroy them. Homosexuality is one of those things that we are to abstain from. I didn't say it, I didn't write it, I didn't make it up, it wasn't my idea. Obedience is not always easy for anyone. I can't figure out why an unrepentant homosexual would bother going to church, we can't serve two masters. If you leave your church because you choose to ignore what's in God's word regarding homosexuality, I'm sure if you keep searching, you will find a place of worship who will also ignore it and let you keep decieving yourself.
A question for your project that I would like to hear/see/read would be an interaction between a homosexual and Jesus himself. All I can think of that Christ might say is "Go and sin no more."
hi my name is stephane and i'am a gay christian.do really think that being a christian is a matter of reading the bible o is a matter of being convince by the holy spirit which tyells you every day what to do.i reckon that the bible in the old testament speak against homosexuality but i also reckon that my faith allows me to be who i'am and being saved.the issue on homosexuality is just funny for me .because if somebody faith is not strong enough to believe that god can save them as they are thine let them change to become heterosexual to please the straight church and also to accommodate with what paul said.you are free to compare my sexuality which is given by god to me to a drug addiction or whatever sin you want but don't forget something you are not the one who will decide if i'll inherit the kingdom of god it only my fait which come from hearing the word of god .the bible gives you 2 options life and death and god asked to choose life in order to live .so as a gay christian when i open my bible i'm looking for the thing which 'll bring life to me .So brother and sister i believe that being gay and chistian is better than being straight and reject god .amen god bless you in my email address is brice_ballet@hotmail.com.i also speak french so contact me to be educated on how to be gay and worship jesus christ who died for every body.love
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